Affect Our Behavior
To effectively change the unwanted
consequences we experience, we must change our beliefs associated with the life damaging behavior in our
Our beliefs determine our
choices and behavior.
Brenda Schaeffer in her book “Loving Me, Loving You” writes, “…[T]he way people express love has something to do
with their beliefs about power—their capacity to produce change”. She continues, “When love is without power, we take care of
others at our own emotional expense. When power is without love we abuse, hurt, and injure others”. The behavior
that people exhibit has logical and natural consequences.
To effectively change the unwanted consequences we experience, we must change our beliefs associated with the life
damaging behavior in our lives.
Here are some more examples showing how
beliefs determine unwanted consequences.
|| Unwanted Consequence
|I must meet other's expectations about me.
||Fear of failure; perfectionism; driven; manipulating others;avoid risk taking
|Other's must give me approval.
||Fear of abandonment and rejection; people pleasing; too sensitive
to criticism; isolation
|Failure is unnacceptable
||Fear of punishment; blaming others; isolation; avoid risk
|I cannot change; Its hopeless
||Shame; hopelessness; passivity; isolation; loss of
The good news is that we can change our
beliefs. When we do our consequences change. The questions is: how do we change our beliefs. We begin by examining
our self talk. Are we telling ourselves the truth? We determine the truth, and we replace our self talk with the