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How Beliefs
Affect Our Behavior

To effectively change the unwanted consequences we experience, we must change our beliefs associated with the life damaging behavior in our lives.

Our beliefs determine our choices and behavior.    Brenda Schaeffer in her book “Loving Me, Loving You” writes, “…[T]he way people express love has something to do with their beliefs about power—their capacity to produce change”.  She continues, “When love is without power, we take care of others at our own emotional expense. When power is without love we abuse, hurt, and injure others”. The behavior that people exhibit has logical and natural consequences.

To effectively change the unwanted consequences we experience, we must change our beliefs associated with the life damaging behavior in our lives.

Here are some more examples showing how beliefs determine unwanted consequences.

 Belief  Unwanted Consequence
I must meet other's expectations about me. Fear of failure; perfectionism; driven; manipulating others;avoid risk taking
Other's must give me approval. Fear of abandonment and rejection; people pleasing; too sensitive to criticism; isolation
Failure is unnacceptable Fear of punishment; blaming others; isolation; avoid risk taking.
I cannot change; Its hopeless Shame; hopelessness; passivity; isolation; loss of creativity

The good news is that we can change our beliefs. When we do our consequences change. The questions is: how do we change our beliefs. We begin by examining our self talk. Are we telling ourselves the truth? We determine the truth, and we replace our self talk with the truth.